oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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