i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
