am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
