Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
