You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
