Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
