I wish I could punch you in the face.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
