if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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