i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
