The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
