I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
