I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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