I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize