This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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