What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
