whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
