Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Randomize
