We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
