mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
