if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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