I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
