fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I am midnight drunk by noon
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
