I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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