That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
