Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
