Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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