haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize