you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
