Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
