omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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