I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
