trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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