genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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