i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
