This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize