took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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