I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
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