I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
