there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
