I think my vagina is haunted
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
being pregnant is like rehab
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
