1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
