Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
