i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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