Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she told me i tasted like america
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
