PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
