i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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