i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
