you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
