Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
