i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
