My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
