he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
