Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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