So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
