I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
