Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She's the barista slut.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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