We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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