found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
