My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
