I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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