I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
