it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
