Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
