I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
