im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
