her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
