dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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