I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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