Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
