I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
