thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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