I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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