My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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