Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
