i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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