i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Is it penis luge time yet?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
