He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
