i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
