the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
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