hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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