Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
