if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You left your phone here
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