you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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