I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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