You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
