toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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