Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
