i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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