Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
