I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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