I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
