I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
