I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
