"it" just moved
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize